That Damn Ohio Song
--Kvetch the Uncivil

tune: “Ohio”—Neil Young
lyrics:  c. 1997 Karen Kahan



War’s comin’ and Kenna’s calling.
We take up our spears and go.
And gladly we’d face the Tyger
but we’re still in Ohio!

When you drive into it
You think your journey’s near done
    and you’ll be at Pennsic with the dawn.
Four hours later, you’re driving into the sun
and you’re wondering how you figured wrong.

Half way and it feels like Tuesday—
How many warpoints are lost or won?
And you know when you finally get there
You won’t be shocked to find the whole war’s done!

I’m sick of fast food!
I’m tired of looking at corn
    And I need a restroom again!
Where is the atlas?
Where in the hell are we now?
Does this turnpike ever end?

We’re caught in a vicious circle
Or maybe a Twilight Zone.
War’s comin’ and Kenna’s calling
But we’re still in Ohio
    But we’re still in Ohio
            But we’re still in Ohio
                    But we’re still in Ohio!

Wyndreth's note--Kvetch strikes again.  This song was born in the back of Searic and Ciara's van on the way to War, in regards to the Turnpike Phenomenon.  For those unacquainted with said Phenomenon, on the way to Pennsic War from Wisconsin, Minnesota, or points farther west and north,  an illusion occurs when you cross the Ohio state line.  It appears that you are nearly at Pennsic, or should be.  But nooooo.  You are actually on an endless loop of time and space known as the Ohio Turnpike, and you drive on and on and on and on and on for what feels like weeks. Woooohoo.  'Nuff said.  :)